How To

I have been since March trying to fill my every hour with some kind of event or activity to keep myself busy and the result is someone who is tired all of the time, losing her memory from lack of good sleep, a victim of anxiety dreams and maker of bad choices. Its true that a lack of quality sleep can quickly degrade the brain's ability to function, and I am an example of that and it scares me.

So tonight I am participating in "downtime". I did not go to exercise, partly for what I've said above and partly because I have one of the biggest headaches I've had in a long time. Instead, I went to the video store and rented two movies with the intention of working on my website while watching them in the background. Couldn't get into my website (my ip address has changed and its locked me out) and the first movie I rented is depressing so I've turned it off.

So here I am, alone in a quiet house with an hour before I should go to bed.

I was never good at being alone before. I guess I was hoping that knowing myself better now than I did before James would help me discover ways to cope with loneliness, but it hasn't.

I wish my head would stop hurting.