And then she opened her mouth

I ate lunch today with my mom at Nona's, which is this local sandwich joint, which is pretty good. We had this waitress... she was beautiful. Young, long healthy brunette hair, she was wearing low rise jeans and a too short too tight shirt that accentuated her thin waist and push up bra that she honestly didn't need. Her eyes were bright and just in general she's the kind of girl you watch as she moves gracefully through the restaurant. The kind of girl, that if you're female, you wish with every wish you have left, that you could look like someday, if you would just spend more time on the treadmill and eat more celery; though in your heart, you know that isn't gonna happen. Those kind of looks, you're born with under a blessed star.

But then she opened her mouth.

Unasked for, she told us that she was sorry she didn't get to our table sooner, but there was an "old lady" on the phone trying to order food that they just didn't have and she kept telling us that she told her "honey we just don't serve that here" and "sorry sweetheart we don't serve that here". With more speed than gravity could create, she was this obstruction to my view of anything I'd rather be looking at.

Which brings me to the point - my newest pet peeve:

3. Don't call people 'sweetheart' or 'honey' unless:
a. you're closely related to them and have a genuine affection for them (my mom can call me sweetheart, for instance);
b. or if you want me deputize you as the queen of white trash. I'll even give you one of those metal deputy stars.

I need to order some of those stars and keep them with me to give out. I'd put "WT" on the star so they'd put it on and I could have my world justice.