Spiderwebs and randomness

I spend a lot of time thinking that I am a random creature in this universe of chemistry and that I am disconnected from any strands of destiny or divinity, only following a path of habit into old age and eventually death and nothingness.

But its come to my attention recently that there's less randomness about the universe that I'd suspected.

1. I've for some time been aware that it is not necessarily the spider I am afraid of but the spider web and some of my most primal nightmares, the ones where there are no defined images or sounds, just a vague feeling of terror are generally laced with spiderwebs caught in my head and choking my throat, catching my fingers.

2. I have just recently realized the connection between this and the physical architecture of the endometriosis that is consuming my insides. The picture the doctor had shown me after surgery has returned to my memory and I realize it is very much blooded spiderwebs that stretch across the walls that keep me from having children.

3. It is also spiderwebs that is the best metaphor I can think of for describing the depression I go through when I can't think or breathe or even see.