More Than The Sky

I'm not sure if my life is falling apart or getting better. even though i've been struggling with not wanting to be married anymore, my husband is wonderful and supportive and he's trying everything to be part of my life. how do you split from that?

but then again, how do you find purpose in a married life in suburbia when you're infertile and you're surrounded by people that constantly tell you how perfect and fulfilling their life is now that they've had kids and all you can think of is that if you go join the Red Cross or something where you can be actively helping people maybe you wouldn't feel like such a waste of flesh.

I know these people mean well but the next one that tells me that "there's nothing like it (raising kids)" I'm gonna punch him/her in the gut.

And my trip to the head shrink didn't help. She was nice and all, but she didn't give me any answers. I guess what I was looking for was a cult leader. I want someone to say "well of course its obvious what you should do. You should ...." I wasn't looking for a "and how does that make you feel?" type thing. But at least I tried.

Oh and I didn't tell you I bought a wind surf board. Just the board, not the mast, bow, sail, etc. I'm doing a piece at a time as I'm short on funds. I can't wait to surf again.