To Be Worthy of Maynard

I spend a lot of time thinking about whether I am or ever will be worthy of certain things in my life. Worthy of the goodness of my friends, my family, the man who loves me, the miracle of children, the life that I live, the love of a God that I have yet to understand. Generally the answer to myself is no.

But then there are moments like the one I am experiencing now, simulataneous with a "manic phase", where I can feel my brain on fire, where I wait impatiently for that one trial that will likely kill me. I want to stand in the rain today. I want to shout at the top of my lungs and threaten the universe. I want to fly too close to the sun. It is all about one significant blaring moment that I know is coming.

Posterity laughs at Icarus, but in the end he will laugh last.