Its been a while

Its been a while since I posted last. Several things of great significance have happened, but today I feel very much the same as I did on my last post. I feel very alone and tired and I'm struggling very hard not to be sad. I don't want to be sad and that's a start I guess. It used to be that sad was very comforting in its own way because you didn't have to fight anymore, just let it take you in its arms and look for what's familiar.

But today I don't want to be sad, so I'm fighting the chemical-based depression that's on me, but I think I'm losing the fight. But at least this time I fought it. I don't know.

I had 1/2 day off today but I ended up not doing anything with my time. I went to mangia in round rock and ate an individual carnivore (which is ironic) and read Abhorsen, the last in a 3 part series Billy gave me. The carnivore is ironic because I've been thinking a lot lately about why I need to give up meat. Missy suggested I first try meatless days and I like the sound of that. I am going to do meatless weekends. Fish isn't going to count toward meatless, but otherwise this is a good start. And maybe this will help force me to learn how to cook as most items out there are meat dishes. In addition to fish, I'm not counting eggs, or stuff that doesn't cause an animal to die like cheese, milk, etc. Just meat.

There's a job opening at Google I'm going to apply for but I'm positive I'm not educated enough to even get a call back, but I'm going to try anyway. This is my year and honestly they'd be a better company with me working for them and with as smart as they are, maybe they'll realize it. We'll see.

And since I wrote last, I've decided upon a long term life plan:

1. Purchase a place to live. No more renting. Condo would fit best. I'm going to have lunch with Katherine to hear her tips on condo shopping.
2. Save up to adopt a child.


Those are both long term, expensive and will be very hard, but I have a dream now and I'm not going to let it go. Short term goal is to lose the rest of the weight, which the meatless thing should help with. Have 25 lbs to go.

I guess that's everything. Extremely lonely, but surviving.